


Flicker

by Mimikay



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-07-16 02:02:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16076021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimikay/pseuds/Mimikay
Summary: Niall Horan is touring his album Flicker when an old flame comes back crashing into his life...Louis TomlinsonNiall hates drama and just wants to tour normally... but can he just ignore his old flame and carry on with his life or will just fall all over again





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As Niall ends his performance of the night he is reunited with someone he's been trying to forget

“So how come when I reach out my finger  
It feels like more than distance between us”

 

Niall stepped off the stage as the crowd kept chanting his name. He was still high from what he called “ The Stage Effect” and right now, nothing could drag him down from the adrenaline running through his body.  
He smirked at the little joke he made and kept walking straight to his dressing room. He wasn’t particularly exhausted, far from it really. It’s just that after a performance he always needed a moment of piece. He’d never gotten that with the boys before, not that the could anyways. They were always bouncing on each other, still fuelling from the so famous “Stage Effect”.  
Guess that’s why he appreciated his new group so much, with them he got time for himself. He had time to think, to be thankful for everything he had in his life at the moment. He’d been lucky enough to have ended up with such an understanding band. Unlike the boys, they knew about boundaries, they knew when Niall needed his time alone. And don’t get him wrong, the boys were everything he could ever ask for. 

It’s just that sometimes, Niall had to get time for himself and sort things out in his head and the boys never seem to get that. Funny, it’s been a long time since Niall had called the boys by their own names, he wasn’t avoiding it or anything but these days it just seemed harder. In interviews they kept asking him questions about how they were all doing. And expect from what he heard from mutual friends or what he’d read on Twitter or Instagram he didn’t really know much. Niall didn’t want to point any fingers, because at the end of the day he knew who’s fault it was if he didn’t have any real contact with the boys anymore. How had Zayn phrased it? “ They were all becoming men, just apart from each other?” He wished he could come up with a such well thought answer. Knowing Zayn, he’d probably thought about it in the instant. Niall shook his head from the thought, Zayn wasn’t that impulsive..Oh well how would he know they hadn’t talked since the AMA’s and even then it was somewhat weird. 

Niall wasn’t really like that, most of the time when the interviewer started the conversation, Niall would just force a smile and tell them everything was okay and that they couldn’t wait to all come back for their “BIG REUNION”. He would then leave the room hating himself.

Firstly, because he was probably lying to a thousand desperate and heartbroken fans. And secondly, because deep down, he hated the fact that he wished everything he said about him and the boys getting back all together, was true. He shouldn’t want it since they were the ones who had chosen a side.  
He’d hate himself even more because he knows he’ll end up staying up all night hovering over his phone weighing the pros and the cons of calling him or not. Then he’ll regret not being drunk because, at least if he was, he’d blame the alcohol for crying himself to sleep. But finally he’ll stop hating himself because drunk or not he would have never called. He’ll wake up the next morning angry at himself but mostly at the world. 

Niall shook his head getting rid of the bad mood he was slowly imposing himself. Thinking about everything right now was ridiculous. It would just lead to self loathing and he didn’t need any of that right now. He should be out celebrating with the band over their great performance laughing his head off because the alcohol was finally getting through his head.  
He pushed the door of his dressing room and was met with a pair of piercing angry blue eyes. 

“Are you fucking serious right now, Niall?” the indistinguishable voice of Louis rang in the decent sized dressing room. Niall really didn’t know what he had done to deserve any of this. He’d wanted a calm night out with his band. Instead he was met with a hurricane. Was Karma really hitting him this hard? Uh, he probably should have called his mother the other day, it would have surely avoided all of this. 

“Oh Louis, to what do I owe this visit?” Niall was proud of how confident his voice had come out, because inside, his walls were crumbling. Seeing Louis in real life after so many months made it difficult for him to not to cross the room just to close the distance between them. Niall eyed Louis with wary eyes waiting for his response. Louis hadn’t change. He still wore the same “track suits are my life” outfit, styling with it with a beanie on top of his uncombed hair. The smug smile that usually marked his face was replaced with a thin line. 

“Don’t fucking play dumb with me, Niall.” Niall signed.. like he said, he really wasn’t ready to deal with anything else than with a pint in front of him right now. Deciding it was better for him, Niall sat on the couch facing Louis avoiding any eye contact.  
“Like I said, Louis, I don’t understand why you’re here.” He saw Louis take a deep breath. He started flexing his hands. Niall backed away further onto the couch. He’d seen never seen Louis this angry. At least not when Louis was… 

“Louis, are you drunk ?” Suddenly, Louis looked straight at Niall. Niall could see it now, the fuzziness in his eyes. And the way Louis was holding himself. He was freaking hammered. 

“I’m not drunk.” Louis slurred out. He tried getting up from against the table he was sitting against but failed and tumbled over. Niall signed and crossed the room. Extending his hand to Louis he picked up the water bottle he always kept on the table-set for after concerts. 

“Need help ?” 

“Get the fuck away from me !” Louis said slapping Niall’s hand from him. “ You like seeing me like this, don’t you ? Pitiful and helpless ! I bet you think I deserve it! 

“I don’t think you deserve anything, Louis. But if you don’t want my help then tell my why the fuck you’re here.” Niall didn’t swear often only when he was tired or if his patience was wearing thin. And now, he was both. Louis must have felt it because he didn’t say anything for a moment. Finally deciding to get up, he took, with difficulty, the water bottle that was still in Niall’s hand. Niall shivered, he couldn’t believe that even after months Louis still had the same effect on him. Frowning he took a step back. 

“Louis, why are you here ?” He was basically pleading now. It’s not his fault, Niall was tired and having Louis so close to him after such a long period of time.. He just didn’t know if he could stand it much longer. Louis had installed himself on the couch that Niall was once sitting on. He slowly opened the water bottle and took three slow glumps of water. If anyone asked, Niall would deny the fact that when Louis drank, he took that moment to actually look at Louis. He knew he was staring and he didn’t care, but he missed that face, those hands… hair.. he missed Louis so fucking much.  
“You’re staring.” Louis’s voice jolt Niall back from his thoughts. Now there was the smirk that Niall knew by heart.  
“And you didn’t answer my question.” Niall answered back. If they were playing on the sassy side they both knew none of them would win. Louis slowly put the water bottle he was holding down on the table next to him.  
“I’m here because you stole my song.” Niall’s heart skipped a beat. Breathing in slowly, Niall backed up in his chair.  
“What song exactly did I supposedly steal ?” Louis snickered quietly. He rubbed his eyes with his left hand and then paused for a minute. He then looked up and met Niall’s blue eyes. “Flicker”.  
Now it was Niall’s turn to laugh. If before he was doubting whether Louis was on something now he knew the answer.  
“What the hell Louis ? Flicker is my freaking song ! I wrote the lyrics and the melody, everything came from up here !” Niall shouted while pointing at his own head. Suddenly Louis got up. “Would you stop lying for a minute ! We wrote the song together! You just changed the perspective of the narration and the truth!” Fed up, Niall got up too.  
“I changed the truth? Me ? Just face it Louis you don’t like the song because you feel like I’m talking about you. Well big news boy, not everything is about you !” 

“Oh fuck off, just admit you changed the lyrics to the song after I rejected you because I wasn’t gay !” Now that was too much for Niall, he didn’t want to be reminded of that night, especially not that night.  
“Look, yes maybe we wrote this song together, but I changed it up. If you want I’ll put your name in the credits. But please leave.” Picking up the bottle from the table Louis threw it on the other side of the room.  
“I DON’T WANT YOUR FUCKING CREDITS I WANT YOU TO STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM.” Niall don’t know what happened but before he knew it his hand flew over and met Louis cheek. Stunned, Louis stopped talking.  
“Get out.” Louis chuckled like he didn’t believe what Niall had just said.  
“Niall I don’t think you—“  
“Get the fuck out of my dressing room and don’t come back, I’m serious Louis.” Before Louis could say anything Niall pushed him towards the door. As he opened the door he was met with one of he security guards who was having difficulty pretending he hadn’t been ears dropping.  
“Take this guy back to his car. If he tries to run tell him Kevin the pigeon is in his car he’ll follow you after that.” Without a look or a word Niall handed the half drunk Louis to the security guard. Ralph was his name? 

“Niall if you think I’m done with this I-“ Niall blocked Louis voice by closing the door. Finally taking in the silence he started processing what had just happened. Louis was in the same room as him. They had spoken.. if you can call that speaking. Looking at the hand he had hit Louis with, he smiled. It had somewhat felt good. But he also somehow felt guilty. He then looked at himself in the mirror. Three seconds later he started crying. Fucking Louis and his ability of making Niall cry. He really should have called his mother Karma wouldn’t be hitting him this hard right now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall gets into a heated conversation... with an old friend

You go back to her and I go back to black   
\- Back to black Amy Winehouse 

 

It had been a week since the fight with Louis, and seemingly Niall wasn’t able to get past it. To be honest he was still mad. Who did Louis think he was, accusing him of deforming the truth and playing the victim? It was just a bloody song for fucks sake! If he’d taken it personally it wasn’t Niall’s problem. Niall passed his shaking hand through his hair tugging at it to wake himself up a bit. It was 6 in the morning, he was heading for an interview and Jacky his publicist had reprimanded him three times already because he kept zoning out. He’d promised himself two years ago that he wouldn’t let anything Louis said or did get to him anymore. He wasn’t a toy. Especially not his. His phone buzzed against his pocket, causing him to break away from his thoughts, Niall breathed out with exasperation and reached out for it. He was pretty sure it was one of the boys. They’d probably heard of the fight from Louis and where already assuming the worst. It’s sad how they only knew he existed when something bad was happening between him and Louis. He opened his phone and well enough the name Harold Styles was written across his screen. 

Predictable. Harry had always been Louis’s puppet. Since the X Factors days. No wonder the ship name Larry had been a hit. If he was being honest, he pitied Harry. Harry didn’t deserve to be involved in any of this mess. Being the youngest, Harry was the one you could manipulate the most. That’s one thing the fans got all wrong. Scrolling through the comments sometimes he would come face with some of his fans “ Nialler STANS” calling him adorable, cute and oblivious to life. He could agree to the first two, but oblivious? He was everything but oblivious and naive. He’d been through life enough times to know. He’s not saying Harry hadn’t been through things, in the contrary. It’s just that he’d been through more. He had been played enough of times to know a player. And right now Harry was probably sleeping with the player. Niall stared a bit more at his screen. He slowly brought his thumb towards the screen to unlock his phone. He’d avoided the confrontation long enough. 

 

Harold Styles 6:30am

REALLY NIALL, A SONG? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Niall forced himself not to roll his eyes at the message. Like he has said. Predictable. Of course Harry would take Louis’s side. When did he never? Did none of them ever think that maybe there wasn’t anything wrong with him and maybe something was up with Louis?

Niall 6:33am

Nothing’s wrong with me, Harry. Maybe just a little bit tired.. it’s 6am and I really don’t feel like arguing right now. It’s still nice to know you’ve finally decided to check up on me. How long has it been? 2, 3 months? ( Is the cap lock really necessary)

Good job, Niall. Sarcasm. Cause that’s the solution to every mans problems. 

 

Harold Styles 6.33am

I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS NIALL ! LOU IS REALLY ANGRY AND SO ARE ZAYN AND LIAM. I’VE NEVER SEEN LOUIS LIKE THIS… I THINK YOU SHOULD APOLOGISE

Was Niall dreaming? He pinched himself a couple of times to make sure he was really awake. Niall had to apologise? For what, writing a goddam song? Had Louis ever apologised for entering his life and fucking it up? Had he apologised for the night where he left Niall stranded on the street with a heartbroken and nowhere to go? Niall had opened up to Louis that night. He bared his heart and soul to Louis and Louis had just thrown it back at Niall’s face. 

Niall 6:35

I HAVE NOTHING TO APOLOGISE FOR HE’S THE ONE WHO CAME AND STARTED INSULTING ME IN MY DRESSING ROOM. ( ugh cap lock…) You don’t understand how this situation is fucking killing me…. I mean how could you.. you’re probably sleeping with him.. rn

Was that too harsh ? I locked my phone and threw it on the passenger seat next to mine. My head was throbbing and it was still too early for any kind of argument. Suddenly, my phone rang. Closing my eyes I reached for it and answered it. 

“I do understand. You know better than anyone how familiar I am to this.”   
I shouldn’t have answered the phone. Taking deep breaths I tried to control my anger. He shouldn’t have said what he had said. 

“Then why did you start our conversation with assumptions? If you know how much it hurts ?” On the other side of the phone Niall heard movement. Ten seconds later he heard a door close and finally Harry spoke again. 

“I’m sorry, when Louis came back from your show he was just a mess. He started off by yelling at everyone telling us how stupid and stubborn you are. But then all of a sudden he started crying. Yes Niall, I said crying, and he wouldn’t stop. I really thought he was having a panic attack, I’ve never seen him like this. Why was the song so important anyways?” 

“Wewroteittogether” 

“Wait what, repeat I didn’t catch that ?” 

“We wrote it together !” I hadn’t mean to shout that as loud as I did. My assistant who was sitting in the front seat of the car looked at me with a weird look. I smiled at her sheepishly and then returned to the call. 

“We wrote it together, Harry. It was meant to be for the group. But when we decided to take the break the song got lost in the process. When I found it again, him and I weren’t talking.. So I took it back and wrote it differently. I slowed it down and then I decided to put it on my album. I didn’t do anything wrong Harry, he’s the one making a big deal out of nothing.” My head was hurting and the more I spoke about the situation the more i felt like puking. 

On the phone Niall heard Harry take a deep breath. “Well you hurt him in his pride and ego.” Niall scoffed and rolled his eyes. Answering in barely a whisper he said “Well he hurt me in his words and actions,… I loved him, Harry. The worst thing is I that think I still do.” Niall tried to wipe the tears running slowly down his face. He hated feeling this way. After almost a year he still couldn’t let go. He’d tried moving on. Tried to date girls and meet new people. But each time a girl got close, he found himself comparing her to him. Because it always came back to him. Always. 

“Look Harry, I get it, his your friend and you’re just looking out for him. But you don’t know the full story. Nobody does, so before calling me and attacking me ask him what he did, ask him why I hate him so much. When he finally answers you, call me and we’ll talk. But before then keep pretending I don’t exist —

“Niall that’s not what the boys and I are d — 

“I’ve got to go Harry, I’ve got more important things to do right now.” Not waiting for an answer Niall hanged up. 

“Hey Niall we’re… are you okay.” Niall smiled at his assistant and nodded. “Yeah don’t worry love, just tired. Let’s go rock this interview.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry confronts Louis about Niall
> 
>  
> 
> Also Sorry for the delay I totally forgot I was writing this fic T-T

You don't know how to love me when you're sober.

\- Sober Selena Gomez

LOUIS

Louis rolled over and extended his arm on the bed. When his arm was met with a cold spot he opened his eyes with difficulty. He had been expecting the warmth of another body, not just some empty space. He rubbed slowly his temples, yesterdays night was really fuzzy for him, he just remembered taking a radical decision. He didn't remember which one it was exactly but knowing himself he was pretty sure it couldn't be anything good. He looked over at his nightstand and surely enough two aspirins and a cup of water were properly placed on it. He internally smiled at the sight. Between the both of them Harry was always the rational and organised one. Like as if he had heard him, a tired looking Harry entered the room. Seeing Louis awake he smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." Louis chuckled and patted the spot next him. Understanding the gesture, Harry hopped on the bed and lied down next to Louis.

"Don't worry Harry Bear you didn't wake me up. And thanks for the water." he said gesturing towards the cup of water. Harry smiled. Now that Louis was fully awake he could sense that Harry was bothered by something. He nudged Harry with his leg and forced him to look at him.

"Ok, what's bothering you ?"

"It's nothing really.." Harry said avoiding Louis's stare. Louis sensing Harry's lie puffed out a annoyed sound.

"Well if it's nothing then why aren't you telling me anything? We're best friends right?" Well they were more than best friends. Not only did they tell each other everything but a year ago after Louis had broken up with Danielle and rekindled whatever relationship he had with Eleanor he had started sleeping with Harry too.

In his mind he did it for Harry. Harry hadn't come out in the public eye so his boys interaction were very limited. Even the management didn't know about it. So Louis thought as the role of the best friend it was his right to help make Harry feel better. It hadn't always been his job, but the last person who had had the job ended up breaking Harry's heart. Something Louis would never do. Not to his best friend.

When he turned back to his best friend, Harry was sitting crossed legged bitting his finger nails. Louis frowned, something bad must have happened if he was bitting his nails.

"Harry tell me, you're scaring me now." Louis saw Harry take a deep breath in like he was finally deciding to speak and then opened his mouth. Coming out as a whisper Harry asked

"Do you remember yesterdays night?" Louis frowned again. He didn't have any memory of yesterdays night only that he had been very bothered about being in the same city as Niall..

"No... should I remember something?" Harry frowned. Louis could clearly see that not only Harry was bothered by something but he was also clearly annoyed. Trying to help him, Louis searched his brain for any sort of memory, everything was all fuzzy.

"Look Harry, I'm trying but I can't seem to be able to find any kind of memory.."

Harry rolled his eyes and got up from the bed. He paced around for what felt like a minute.

"You payed Niall a late night drunk visit, yesterday." Louis's heart skipped a heart beat. He knew the bad feeling that was creeping around was his neck was for a reason. He scratched his neck and looked away. Deep down he knew something like this would happen. Niall and him hadn't been in the same city for almost over a year now. The fact that they were both in LA at the same time made him uncomfortable.

"Did anything major happen?" Louis could feel Harry's stare on him. Searching every bit of information he could get out of Louis's behaviour. But Louis wasn't going to give it to him. He tried to keep his face neutral, but inside him his heart was beating faster than a bullet.

"I don't know Louis, you tell me ?" Louis could tell Harry was annoyed, but he didn't get to be. If anything it was Niall's fault. If he hadn't been there Louis wouldn't have gotten drunk yesterday night and they wouldn't be having this conversation right now.

"Hey, you don't get to be sassy with me right now, Harry ! What do you want me to tell you ?"

"Tell me why the fuck you came back crying yesterday night! Tell me why Niall and you can't stand to be in the same room for more than two minutes ! Why you don't want Zayn, Liam or I near him ? Just tell me something!" Louis wasn't surprised, really. He knew a day like this would come on day or later, he just didn't think it would be this soon.

"I can't answer that, Harry. Niall and I just can't stand each other, that's it." Louis saw Harry kiss his teeth, his face red with annoyance. He knew his best friend hated when he lied to him. But technically Louis wasn't lying. He was just avoiding certain truths.

"Does his song "Flicker" have to do anything with your endless feud ?" Louis's heart once again skipped a beat.

"What did the little fucker tell you about the song ?" Harry was startled by Louis's tone. He didn't know why but the song seemed to be a really touchy subject between the two boys. Not wanting to push it even more and sensing how on edge Louis already was, Harry decided to shut it up.

"It's nothing.. you just mentioned it last night. But if you don't want to talk about it it's fine."

The two boys didn't say anything for while. Getting the feeling that this was the end of the conversation, Louis finally got up.

"You should go. El is flying in in about an hour and I have to pick her up at the airport." Harry hummed in response. He gathered his stuff and directed himself towards the door. Looking back at his best friend he saw how broken Louis appeared to be.

Harry never actually understood what had really gone down between the two boys but he hoped they would fixed it soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to two years prior the start of our story !

"Just me, you and the moon."

End of the day One Direction

2 years ago

"No Louis stop, I can't breathe !"

Niall tried to free himself from the older boy's embrace, but Louis being on top of him kept Niall's arm in place above him while he continued tickling him endlessly. Niall had tears of laughter streaming down his face and he felt like his lungs could give out at any moment.

Finally getting the message, Louis left Niall's side and laid down next to him ruffling his hair in the passage.

"Yeah well, maybe next time you won't use my computer without asking." Niall raised an eyebrow at Louis's comment.

"Really ? You nearly had me killed because I used your freaking computer ?! How old are you Louis, ten ?" Niall teased looking back and the older boy. Louis rolled his eyes and just leaned in into Niall's personal space.

"Would a ten year old boy make love to you the way I just did, 40 minutes ago ?" Louis eyed Niall with a smirk on his face. The blush creeping on the younger boys face made Louis smile even wider. He loved when the blue eyed blonde blushed for him. It made him want to do all sorts of things to him.

Pushing him away from his personal space, Niall rolled his eyes and stood up from the bed.

"You're such a perv." He took one of the underwear's that was lying on the floor. Not really caring if it was his or Louis he puts it on.

"Well you did let that perv of yours fuck you 2 times 40 minutes ago!" Louis singed song while grabbing one of his own boxers. Niall didn't respond and just walked over to the open balcony the room had.

Niall loved coming in here. They'd been in Paris for a week now, and this room stayed his favourite. The decoration was really simple, white walls with grey and black furniture to go with it. A painting from an unknown artist was hanging above the bed which was in the middle of the room and there was even a bathroom with a tub.

But Niall's favourite part was the balcony. Louis had gotten the best view from all of the boys. The Eiffel Tower was the first thing Louis saw when he woke up and the last thing he saw he fell asleep.

Niall was a romantic at heart, just the thought of waking up in front of the Eiffel Tower made his heart ache a bit.

Leaning against one of balcony's pillar he looked at the full moon. Soon enough, he felt two strong arms wrap themselves around his upper waist. Niall smiled and nuzzled himself closer to Louis.

"Can't believe we're about to release our fifth album." Louis chuckled and kissed Niall's neck.

"Yeah, funny how time flies." A small breeze passed the both of them causing Niall to shiver. Sensing that the younger boy was getting colder, Louis pulled him closer to himself.

"Still think we should have called it "Five"." Louis laughed turning Niall towards him.

"Niall, that worked once. I don't think we're going to keep numbering our albums. The fans would get bored of it." Niall didn't say anything for a second and just stared at Louis.

"Meh, you're probably right. They should have kept Flicker, thought ! It was a good song and we wrote it together."

"Let me remind you that the song wasn't finished." Niall huffed.

"Yes but the start totally sounded like a hit !" Once again Louis laughed. Seeing Niall all worked up for a song made his stomach flutter a tiny bit.

"The lyrics are kinda something else." he whispered. Niall stared at Louis once again.

"No they're not, talking about complicated love and shit. Not something the fans haven't heard already." Louis frowned.

"That's not what the song is about at all ! It's about how two people love each other so much but can't have each other. So they keep on fighting until one of them decides it's enough and leaves. But the other one is begging him to stay !" Suddenly he pushed Niall away. Niall confused took a step towards Louis, but before he could do anything he was stopped by Louis arm creating distance between them.

"You should go. Tomorrow Danielle is flying in early tomorrow and I have to pick her up." Niall frowned. He didn't understand where all of this was coming from. Two seconds ago they were fine. Had Niall done something ?

"Did I say something wrong ?" Still not looking at him Louis just stared at the door. Getting the message, Niall gathered his stuff and left.

The next morning Niall tried to communicate with Louis but Louis wouldn't meet his eyes. It was like that during the whole day. Not that Niall saw Louis that much he was too busy playing house with Danielle.

"Did he fuck up again?" Niall turned his head from the couple making out in front of him and directed his attention to his best friend, Harry.

"Not really, I think I did, but I don't know why.." Ever since yesterday, Niall couldn't stop thinking about what he could have said or done wrong. He didn't like it when the older boy was mad at him. He knew that their situation was complicated, Louis had a girlfriend and being with Niall at the same time was probably difficult for him but Niall didn't understand why Louis had to act like such a dick sometimes.

"Maybe you should talk to him and ask him what you did wrong. I mean asking never hurts." Harry took a swig of his water bottle and stared at his best friend waiting for a response.

Niall cupped his head into his hands and thought. He knew Harry was right. If he was at fault he'll have to apologise. The sooner the better.

He knew that Danielle had this girl only event she planned on going to tonight. Which meant he could have Louis to himself for a couple of hours. Niall smiled to himself, this was perfect.

If only he'd known that that particular night was the night where everything would go downhill...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall finds something that gets him thinking. Liam and Louis reunite. We are introduced to Hailee's and Niall's friendship.   
> Will the boys finally talk or not ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS, ok I know i've been MIA for like months but.. I've been so busy. I'll try updating every friday if I can but please don't be mad at me. 
> 
> Here's kinda long chapter. Hope you enjoy
> 
> REMEMBER I'M FRENCH, english is just a language i like learning. 
> 
>  
> 
> much love
> 
> MIMI

"You might think that I can not take it, but you're wrong. Cause now I'm stronger than yesterday”  
Stronger Britney Spears 

 

Niall P.O.V

Niall woke up in a jolt. He was covered in sweat and his head was pounding. As he turned his head, he was met with the small clock he had bought at an antic store months ago. The bright colours of the clock indicated that it was almost 3 in the morning. Niall let out a groan and buried his head deep in his pillow. 

He couldn’t believe he was still having dreams about that particular day. It had almost been 3 months since he hadn’t had a single dream about Louis, so why now ?   
Seeing as he wasn’t going to fall back asleep anytime soon, Niall threw the covers off his body and hurried himself quietly towards the kitchen. Making himself a cup of tea he hummed softly the tune of one of his songs. Realising which song he was song he was singing he stopped abruptly. Of course it had to be one of the songs he had written with Louis on his mind. 

Softly with his cup of tea in his hand Niall walked towards his office. He liked calling it an office because it made him feel so much more professional, but the room he entered was far from that. The room was composed of a small sofa with a little table in front of it. One of his acoustic guitar was disposed in one of the corners of the room. The other half of the room was filled with mountains of CDs and old song books. He turned towards one of the piles of song books. He knew what he was looking for. Just like he had thought, between two old Coldplay albums laid a worn out diary. Grabbing the baby blue looking book he opened the first page 

Dear Diary, 

God, I can’t actually believe I’m about to do this right now.. but it seems like you’re the only “person” who i can vent out to. First of all, I think a change of name is overdue. I just can’t call you Diary… it feels so empty and pretty teenage like. I feel like a 16 year old girl complaining about her ex boyfriend. 

ANYWAYS, I’m trying to get to the point here - 

Niall flipped through the pages, the bitter taste of sadness swelling up into his mouth. 

Dear Flicker, 

I’m not really sure why I’m calling you Flicker just yet but… something happened tonight. It’s funny how not long ago I was telling you how I thought I had met my soulmate. I did tell you it was complicated and that our relationship wasn’t perfect. But for me, it actually was. I was happy and content and for once in my life I felt like as if I belonged somewhere. With someone. Well everything has changed since 2 hours ago. Because exactly two hours ago my heart was broken into pieces. 

I hate sounding so dramatic. But there’s no other way I can explain the feeling I’m feeling right now, I feel absolutely broken inside and there’s no one here good enough to fix it. Was it something I said or did? Did I read this whole relationship wrong? Can I even call it a relationship, was it a relationship? Looking back at it right now I don’t think it was. Once again I was fooled by love. I don’t want to write down his name because i don’t think he deserves the attention. 

I’m tired I should go to sleep. 

Niall

 

Niall wiped the tears streaming down his face. He didn’t know when he had started to cry. The aching pain of his heart seem to get deeper after each beat. He shuddered at the thought of crying for the man he had wasted so much energy and time for. He snapped the book shut. He wanted to put it back in the piles of books just like how he had found it, but on a second thought, he didn’t think the diary deserved to be among his past treasures. He took it with him and threw it under his bed. He chuckled at the gesture. Underneath the bed was were he kept all his undesired objects. 

Most people thought he was crazy when he told them about the things he kept under his bed, but it was a habit he had developed when he was younger. One afternoon, Niall was coming back from school with some friends when his best friend, at the time, had told them about “the monsters hiding under their beds”. Paul, Niall’s childhood best friend, had told them that a monster was living under all little boys beds waiting for the perfect moment to eat them up. And apparently the only way to not be eaten was to give the monster as a gift something you owned that you hated. Niall being a very little gullible boy ran home that night and gave away his aunties christmas sweater he had gotten last christmas, stuffing it under his bed. Ever since that day hiding unwanted objects under his bed was a habit, a messy one he’d admit, but still a habit all the same. 

The book safely put away underneath the bed Niall looked at his alarm 5:30 AM. He rolled his eyes and turned the alarm so it would face the wall and not him. He was suppose to wake in 30 minutes. He cursed under his breath.

“Fuck you Louis”

 

— 

Louis P.O.V

Louis sneezed. He took a sip of the tall black coffee he had ordered just a minute and frowned. He couldn’t possibly be catching cold. It was mid summer. 

“Someone’s probably thinking about you !” Louis glared at Liam’s comment. Even though Liam was a pain in the ass sometimes, Louis knew that talking to him was the only thing left to do in his situation. He sat back in his chair comfortably. They were in a secluded cafe that they had reserve all for themselves. 

Some fans had started to gather outside the cafe all taking pictures, probably posting them on instagram or something. Usually, Louis didn’t mind the invasion of privacy. He was a singer after all, the intrusion was part of the job. But today he wasn’t in the mood for any pictures. Call him snobby, but he didn’t care. He moved his sunglasses higher onto his noes and turned towards Liam. 

“Thanks for seeing me, mate. I didn’t think you could actually get a free space for me.” Liam nodded taking a sip of his tea. 

“Don’t worry, Lou. Harry told me what happened and I knew I needed to be here. Friends, right ?” Louis knew that Liam accepting this meeting was Harry’s doing. Liam had been distant with him for a while. At first, Louis had thought that it was because Liam had wanted to focus on his music career. But after months of cold shoulder Louis started to think that it was maybe because of the whole Niall thing. Liam and Niall had always been close. Liam always thought Niall needed protecting. Even after their big fight, Louis knew Liam had felt guilty after taking his side. Deep down he knew Liam had wanted to protect Niall. 

“Remind me to thank Harry then.”  
“You should. Louis, he’s worried about you.” Louis hated Liam’s tone. If only Zayn and him still spoke. At least Zayn was never judgemental. 

“Listen Liam, he’s got nothing to worry about. I got drunk, saw Niall and cried a bit. What’s the fucking big deal?” Louis turned his head away from Liam’s. He had risen voice. He hated himself, he didn’t understand how and why Niall had this effect on him. He’d made a mistake by going to see him after his concert. He didn’t understand why he had done what he had done. 

Deep down he knew there was an answer but he wasn’t ready to admit just yet. Especially his pride wasn’t ready to admit just yet. 

“It doesn’t matter anyways, he’s leaving for Europe in a week. When he’s gone i won’t have to worry about him anymore.” Liam rolled his eyes at his best friend comment. He had tried avoiding this conflict for as long as possible, but seeing both of his friends hurting was too much to bare.   
He knew that both Niall and Louis had issues with one another but that didn’t mean it had to impact the whole group. 

He stared at Louis. Even if the older boy didn’t want to admit it, Liam knew he was hurting deep down. The man looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, months even. His hidden hair under a black beanie seemed unwashed. 

“Maybe, you should take this week to actually talk to him. And when I say talk I actually mean talk Louis.” Louis shook his head. He knew he was being stubborn, but he didn’t care. He tried talking to the fool but they all say how that ended. 

“No way Li, I’m not talking to him. If he wants to talk to me he knows where to find but I’m never going to make the first step ever again.” 

— 

“NIAAAALLLLLLLLL” Niall smiled as he saw the brunette running towards him. Hailee jumped into his arms and giggled. They hadn’t seen each other since New Years and to be honest he had missed the younger woman. 

“Long time no see, princess” she scoffed at the sound of her nickname and released Niall from her embrace. 

“Well no wonder, you’re a hard mind to find, mister.” Niall shrugged at the comment. I mean, it’s not like he was on tour or something. 

“How was the flight ? Did you get enough sleep?” They started walking towards the entrance of the airport. He hadn’t notice how many fans and paparazzi where at the entrance. He blush thinking some paps might have photographed his and Hailee’s exchange. It was embarrassing enough knowing that half of their fandom shipped them. But now they would have actual proof of a possible relationship. He grimaced at that thought. Firstly, he wasn’t straight.. at least he didn’t think he was. Louis was the only person he had ever had real feelings for. All the other relationships the press thought he was in was mostly for PR. Secondly, Hailee was more like a sister to him. It’s true that for a time he had thought that there might have been something between to both of them. But when they had kissed he had realise that what he felt was nothing more than friendship. Thankfully enough Hailee hadn’t taken personally. Since then they’ve been best friends. Frankly, she was the only real friend he had in the industry. 

They had become so close that he had told her about Louis. She had sworn that she knew something was up between us and that she didn’t believe in the “Larry Stylinson” ship. She had also asked Niall about Zarry, but he had denied it all. He wasn’t the one who had to tell that story. 

They got into the black van ordered for them without any big accident. As usual some fans stood outside the airport, all hoping to get a picture with their idol. The trip to Hailee’s hotel was quiet and amicable. Since they hadn’t seen each other for a while, they took this opportunity to catch up. Apparently Hailee was focusing on her music, she made Niall listen to some of her songs and in all honesty he loved most of them. 

Hailee pushed her hotel’s room door. Luckily for them, Hailee was staying in a hotel not far from Niall’s place. 

“AHHHH, it’s so good to have normal bed to sleep in.” Hailee crashed onto her bed, taking some time to just rest. Niall just laughed at her antics. He was used to it by now, the younger woman always seemed so uplifted. Never once had he seen her sad for too long. She always found a way to bring her mood back up. It kind of reminded Niall of himself when the group was freshly formed. He was the one who would bring everyone together, trying to cheer them up when one felt a little bit stressed. It’s actually how him and Louis got close. Louis had a tendency of overreacting when he was upset about something, so when that happen Niall was always the one the boys called over to calm Louis down. 

“Hey, Ni what’s wrong ?” shaking his head Niall refocused on Hailee. He felt a tear fall on his cheek. Surprised he swiped it away. When had he started crying? Hailee reached out for his hand. Gently accepting the invitation he sat down next to her. 

“Want to talk about it?” Niall sniffed. 

“No not really..” Hailee gave him an understanding stare. 

“You know it’s always better when you talk about it, right ?” Niall frowned. He didn’t agree with her statement. Not everything got better when you talked about it. It just made things more real. 

“Well that’s the whole point of talking about it.” Niall frowned once more. Had he thought out loud ? Taking one of Hailee’s pillow he hugged it tightly. 

“I spoke to Louis almost two weeks ago.” Hailee smiled, of course this was about Louis. 

“Well that’s a good thing isnt’ it? You’ve been killing me about how you’ve been wanting to talk to him again.” 

“Wrong, I’ve been killing you about me wanting the boys talking to me again, not Louis.” Hailee rolled her eyes.

“Yet we both know you meant Louis.” Taking his silence for an answer she kept going. 

“Seeing your reaction, I take the conversation didn’t go well.” Niall scoffed. 

“That’s an understatement. The fool, was drunk.” Hailee got closer to Niall and hugged him. She knew how difficult that must have been for him. Each time they tried talking about Louis, Niall always built a wall between his emotions and Louis. But Hailee knew that the wall wasn’t that strong. Deep down somewhere Niall was still touched and was maybe still in love with Louis. 

“How is it possible to still love someone who hurt and keeps hurting me so much?” Hailee hugged Niall closer. He had started to cry.. just like she had predicted. 

“He’s the only person you’ve ever loved, Ni. Forgetting him and the feelings you had for him is hard.” 

“But I don’t want them here. I don’t want them at all. I just wish they could just disappear and never come back. It hurts too much.. I can’t.. I just.. just thinking about those feelings.. him.. it brings me back to that night…”

Hailee held back the comment threatening to come out her mouth. Niall had told me what had happened that night. That famous night were everything went wrong. If she was being honest with herself, she thought Niall deserved so much better than Louis. Especially after what he had done. 

“The thing is Niall, you can’t just pretend they’re not here. The feelings you’re feeling are real, no matter what you do they’re not just going to go away. You have to own up to them. Actually face them, when you do that.. that’s when they’re going to leave. Until then, you’ll just be their victim.”

Niall stared at her. He knew she was write but he just didn’t know where to start. 

“But how do I do that?”

“Start by talking to Louis. Actually talking to him. No avoiding the subject, this time you’re not running. Tell him about that night, tell him how it made you feel. How it still makes you feel. Just do something about it and stop fleeing, Niall!” Niall bit back down more tears. She was right, he couldn’t deny it. He had to stop running from his emotions, once and for all he had to confront Louis and tell him everything. 

“Ok, I’ll do it. I’ll text him.” Hailee squealed with joy. Niall glared at her, how was she so happy. 

“Text him now then.” Niall shook his head abruptly.

“No.. I can’t do it now. I’m still emotionally shaky. I might write something and then regret it later.” Hailee rolled her eyes but agreed. Both silently agreed that the conversation was over.   
For the rest of the night Niall and Hailee watched Netflix. Niall didn’t really concentrate on what ever chick film Hailee had chosen. His mind kept wandering off. He didn’t know if actually talking to Louis was going to do them any good. But trying never killed anyone. 

Near 3 am they both decided to call it a night. Hailee gave Niall once last hug, thanking him for today but they both knew why the hug laster a little longer. 

Walking towards the elevator, Niall took out his phone. He scrolled down to his unwanted contacts. Finally finding the contact he was looking for, he tap the message Icon

Niall Horan 3:30am 

We need to talk. Niall huffed out a breathe of relief once he got home. He took his time going to bed. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep even if he tried to. Like he thought after one hour of turning relentlessly in his bed he gave up. He reached out for a pen in his table night drawer and took out the notebook from under his bed. Hesitantly, he started writing. 

Dear Flicker, 

Well guess who’s back. I know it’s been a while but I’m back… not better but I'm here now.  
Remember the person I told you about so long ago. Well his name is Louis.. and his an asshole, a dick who deserves nothing but misery in his life.   
But strangely enough, I’m in love with that asshole.  
Life works in a weird way. 

That’s enough for today. See you when i have another emotional breakdown. 

N.H


End file.
